"Too Content to Be Mediocre."

Knowing I'm a big Beatles fan (and John Lennon, in particular), my friend Bonz sent me this article talking about the publication of John Lennon's previously unseen letters.

While reading it, I remembered Mikey's, his cousins' and my visit to the Rock-N-Roll Hall of Fame about 10 yrs ago, when they had a whole John Lennon Exhibit. Yoko had donated a bunch of personal items, including report cards from elementary school.  Now, as I watched, most people just skimmed past the boards where they were posted, but I was way too nosy for that. I scanned every word I could get my eyeballs over. I found a couple pix online. See if you can read any of the remarks.

I couldn't find the actual note I was looking for, but I found one of my favorite quotes of all time by reading through these comments that day. You may have noticed that most of their remarks are pretty negative. It was from one of John's teachers, who wrote, "John is too content to be mediocre..." and she went on to talk about how he never worked to his potential etc.

It was an awesome reminder that:

1. Just because someone is a teacher, a mentor, an employer or even a parent, it doesn't mean they know everything. They can be wrong too. It's important not to let anyone else define you, particularly when their view is negative.

2. Just because someone is extraordinarily successful in one aspect, doesn't mean they succeeded at everything they ever tried. Everyone has their "niche" and it's imparative to always keep trying.

With all due respect to my other idol, Yoda (yes, I'm a big Star Wars geek as well), who said, "Do or do not. There is no try.", I disagree and think there can be both a "do" and a "try". Let's be honest: trying is often the most difficult part.  If you are lucky enough to then succeed in whatever you may have tried, combining them is really much more fulfilling (Thank you for that point, Melanie K).  If you don't find success, the fact that you even tried is a HUGE accomplishment on it's own and not to be discounted in any way. At least you won't have any regrets! 

That said, John Lennon has several songs that have really made an impact on my thinking, including the often referenced "Imagine" and one of my favorites, "Instant Karma". If you're unfamiliar with this song, but would like to hear it and see a couple John pix, I found this video on YouTube.

Anyway, bottom line: I think many of us beat ourselves up and waste time stressing about bs and not REALLY living or even trying to live.

Over the last few months of being in a fulfilling job that I actually enjoy for once in my life, I've spent a lot of time analyzing myself and wondering why I had previously been allowing myself to stay in a job where I was miserable and not being treated with the respect that a 6-year employee should have been given at that point. They completely changed my job and my environment, removed us from our boss whom we knew and loved, dumped 5+ more responsibilities on us, took away any privileges we had and all without any prior notice. When we complained and expressed our legitimate concerns, we were told, "If you don't like it, get out."  It was like being betrayed while already being in an abusive relationship. Between the actual job itself and the way I was being treated by my employers, I had become an emotional punching bag.

I had lost weight while working there and gotten healthy physically, but I was clearly still having self-esteem issues if I was willing to work in an environment where I was being treated that way. Of course, I had bills, but there was something else. There was something that made me think that I couldn't do any better.

Thankfully, I was very wrong and even more importantly, Mikey, my family, my friends (and yes, even my WW leader and group at times) let me know what they thought. They put up with my endless complaining and depression, trying to sort it all out and let me know they were there for me. I eventually found a job with Apple last summer, where I was respected and appreciated. I really only left the company because I was hired by Weight Watchers, where I could start to fulfill my goal of helping other people to realize that they are also worthy of health AND happiness!

So fwiw, please read through these lyrics and even if you're feeling unsure about yourself today, know that honestly, if you can read this, I can verify that you are better than that.

"Instant Karma"

Instant Karma's gonna get you, 

Gonna knock you right on the head, 

You better get yourself together, 

Pretty soon you're gonna be dead, 

What in the world you thinking of,  

Laughing in the face of love, 

What on earth you tryin' to do, 

It's up to you, yeah you.  

Instant Karma's gonna get you, 

Gonna look you right in the face, 

Better get yourself together darlin', 

Join the human race, 

How in the world you gonna see, 

Laughin' at fools like me, 

Who on earth d'you think you are, 

A super star, 

Well, right you are.  

Well we all shine on, 

Like the moon and the stars and the sun,  

Well we all shine on, 

Ev'ryone come on.  

Instant Karma's gonna get you, 

Gonna knock you off your feet, 

Better recognize your brothers, 

Ev'ryone you meet, 

Why in the world are we here, 

Surely not to live in pain and fear, 

Why on earth are you there, 

When you're ev'rywhere, 

Come and get your share.  

Well we all shine on, 

Like the moon and the stars and the sun,  

Yeah we all shine on, 

Come on and on and on on on, 

Yeah yeah, alright, uh huh, ah-.  

Well we all shine on, 

Like the moon and the stars and the sun,  

Yeah we all shine on, 

On and on and on on and on.  

Well we all shine on,  Like the moon and the stars and the sun.  

Well we all shine on,  Like the moon and the stars and the sun.  

Well we all shine on,  Like the moon and the stars and the sun.  

Yeah we all shine on, 

Like the moon and the stars and the sun. 

*****

Rest in Peace

The other day, I submitted a couple pix to jacksh*t’s blog for my W.i.d.t.h.  i love this idea so much, So while discussing Halloween decorations with his nemesis and my friend suzistorm, I came up with a really exciting idea and I want to share it.

Throughout this journey to get myself healthy, I have had to do an equal amount of exercise for my body and for my brain. In the process, I have had to "lay to rest" many of my bad habits, physically and emotionally.

As part of my Halloween decorating, I'm going to make tombstones of all the habits or excuses I have had to eliminate from my life.

I would like you to do the same! These are the behaviors and influences that have kept us from achieving our goals. this doesn’t have to be about weight. it can be about work, school, relationships - whatever you need to eliminate from your life to be the person you deserve to be. 

This is going to be an ongoing theme throughout october, where i will occasionally upload a pic and give further explanation.

email me your picture: 

TrixieWeighsIn@gmail.com

I'll post it in my tombstone gallery here.

*Make sure you tell me if you'd like your name and a link attached*

Also, if you don't feel comfortable, let me know and I'll make one for you.

I'm really excited to see what we come up with!

"I've Been Shot!"

i am not a reader by nature. the only books i read by choice involved harry potter, which i think explains my connection with them, but i digress.

i have tried a few different ways to motivate myself to read. i bought myself an ipad as a goal reward and could really only keep my focus on autobiographies. for the record, i highly recommend Ozzy osbourne and carrie fisher’s books. 

to clarify: they each wrote their own book. they did not write them together, although i’m sure that would be a fascinating tale of invented curse words and drug-induced ramblings.

anyway, onto my real point. i bought this amazing little $5 book at my weight watchers meeting titled “a shot in the arm” last week, after my leader maggie recommended it and explained it’s origin. it seems that the writer, sharon was a weight watchers regional manager and would send out these motivational emails to her employees. this was a few years ago, before the big blog boom, if you will.

reading through this book, sharon shared personal stories, insecurities and humor, in a very non-intimidating or condescending way. i love this little book! i am obsessed with it and actually thought about basing my blog as a response or review of her emails, but decided that i will occasionally address the points as they come up.

sadly, sharon passed away 2 years ago. i am very thankful that i am able to appreciate her words and be enlightened by her spirit.

seriously, pick up this book.

"I'd Rather Be Fit in Public"

having struggled with my weight since i hit puberty, i clearly missed out on many usual milestones through my teenage years. i’m not saying that overweight people don’t have proper social skills or they are not allowed to play sports. what i’m saying is that i allowed my weight to dictate what i did and even more disappointing, what i didn’t do.

through high school, i wore huge clothes to hide my body and avoided gym class whenever possible because the anxiety of undressing in front of my classmates was paralyzing.

my junior year, i was hit by a car (that is a huge story that i will save for it’s own post) and i was actually relieved that i didn’t have to take gym. seriously. i was hit by a friggin car and i was happy because i didn’t have to undress in front of other people. that was my primary concern. not that i had to have 2 surgeries and wear a cast for almost 4 months and then relearn how to walk. i didn’t want my classmates to see my bare thighs.

when i think about the person i was back then, it makes me very sad. i wish i realized how ridiculous that was, but i guess those issues make me appreciate how far i’ve come...blah blah blah. it still annoys me.

before puberty, i was a very active child. my mom was constantly yapping at me to sit back in my chair and relax while i eat dinner because i would literally run in, sit at the edge of my kitchen chair, woof some food down and run back out to play. by run, i mean literally run. i ran everywhere. they always joked that i was running before i was walking. my family managed a bowling alley in buffalo and my dad always talks about how i would come to visit and he would try to introduce me to people while i zoomed by, just running back and forth around the main lobby area. i’m sure it was fueled by full free access to the pepsi machine in the restaurant and candy room, but regardless, i was a big ball of energy.

as my goal weight grew nearer this past spring, i started to think about what activities made me happy as a child, in an attempt to tap back into that 4 year-old wild woman. now, if you read my success story, you know a main reason why i chose running, but this is the reasoning why i thought it would click for me. 

i started out running at the gym, but i only chose treadmills that faced the window. the added benefit, was the ability to flip off tourists in those double decker buses to relieve any aggression i had that day, but it was essentially, so i didn’t have to see who was around and making me feel self-conscious. after my run, i would wash my face after and take the hour long train home, as a big sweaty mess. i’m sure my fellow d train riders were less than pleaseD with my general funk.

finally, one day, i decided to force myself to shower at the gym. it was a rough couple weeks while i tried to learn to balance towel placement with exposed skin areas, but i did it. 

i then realized that i had to start to be comfortable with running outdoors. now, as i have mentioned previously, i am a sloooooow runner. people walk faster than i run and i’m not even kidding. i am often lapped by women old enough to be my grandmother. the number i was given in the central park conservancy race was off by about 2,000 runners because they had me down as a 9min/mile, which i do not expect i will ever be able to achieve. i like to think of myself as the 80‘s movie-style serial killer of running. i may be moving very slow, but i’m gonna get ya!

that said, about a month ago, i decided to try to run around central park and while looping past the great meadow, i saw an exercise class and the group of people were kicking and punching while the coach was cheering them on. i immediately thought, “oh god. i could never do that” and then it hit me. those people are kicking ass! why wouldn’t i want to look like that? that thought triggered another, which was, “i’d rather be fit in public, than fat and naked in front of my doctor.”

so now i run in public with a big smile on my face and i shower at the gym without fail. my shame and embarrassment was replaced with pride and self-confidence. is there anything better?