Eat to Live

Tis the season...for eating.

In previous years, I had recognized the change of seasons once I started seeing Mallomars and Jingles cookies on the shelves at Waldbaum's.

Now I'm posting on twitter to ask if I can get pumpkin and spaghetti squash year round. What a difference a year makes!

That's not to say that I won't be budgeting points to squeeze in a couple jingles with my sugar cookie sleigh ride tea (now with real sugar cookie flavor) before bed, but I have recognized my issues and adjusted my intake accordingly.

I have also accepted that I need to keep moving my body during the holiday season. As I posted before, this is one of the many benefits to training and running the Disney half-marathon right after the holidays.

My long runs last a couple hours and I usually earn between 10 and 15 AP's. That's about 3 or 4 Mallomars, NOT A BOX. Running not only keeps me burning off all the marshmallowy goodness, but calculating the APs forces me to recognize how much work is takes to negate my cookie intake. My sore muscles serve as a reminder to keep me in check.

Now, most of us are even busier during the holidays, so fitting in the extra time to get some activity in can be tricky as hell.

Although I am at goal and am currently the healthiest I have ever been as an adult, both physically and emotionally, many things are still a struggle and contrary to popular belief, activity is my main one. I would rather spend all day cuddling with Ruby and Mikey and watching bad sitcoms, than almost anything else.

A couple things I keep in mind about food and activity, particularly over the holidays:

1. Food does not have to be the main event to family gatherings. I am lucky enough to have a bunch of hysterical people in my family and I have a blast whenever we're together. Conversation is far better when I can actually concentrate on it and am not stuffing various junk into my yapper to the point where I'm almost choking, have to unbutton my pants and then obsess over my guilty feelings. Who knew?

2 This is all a choice. MY choice to eat more foods with nutritional value and less crap. I want to feel better. I want to look better and I want to serve as a good healthy example for others, so I can help them to improve the quality of their life. 

3. Running into someone I haven't seen since I gained 40 lbs (or more) is far more difficult, exhausting, stressful and time consuming than budgeting a couple hours a week to work out. I do not want to experience those feelings ever again.

This year, Mikey and I decided to sign up for the 8K Turkey Trot in Buffalo, to start the day off right! I'm so excited, even though I will have to dvr the Macy's thanksgiving day parade to watch after a nice hot shower.

So this year, I'm extra pumped for the holidays. I'm not scared of any uncontrolled food intake or seeing someone and being self-conscious about my size. 

I'm prepared because I know what to expect, have done some Weight Watchers inspired mental rehearsing and re-framing and I am ready! Bring it on!

"I'd Rather Be Fit in Public"

having struggled with my weight since i hit puberty, i clearly missed out on many usual milestones through my teenage years. i’m not saying that overweight people don’t have proper social skills or they are not allowed to play sports. what i’m saying is that i allowed my weight to dictate what i did and even more disappointing, what i didn’t do.

through high school, i wore huge clothes to hide my body and avoided gym class whenever possible because the anxiety of undressing in front of my classmates was paralyzing.

my junior year, i was hit by a car (that is a huge story that i will save for it’s own post) and i was actually relieved that i didn’t have to take gym. seriously. i was hit by a friggin car and i was happy because i didn’t have to undress in front of other people. that was my primary concern. not that i had to have 2 surgeries and wear a cast for almost 4 months and then relearn how to walk. i didn’t want my classmates to see my bare thighs.

when i think about the person i was back then, it makes me very sad. i wish i realized how ridiculous that was, but i guess those issues make me appreciate how far i’ve come...blah blah blah. it still annoys me.

before puberty, i was a very active child. my mom was constantly yapping at me to sit back in my chair and relax while i eat dinner because i would literally run in, sit at the edge of my kitchen chair, woof some food down and run back out to play. by run, i mean literally run. i ran everywhere. they always joked that i was running before i was walking. my family managed a bowling alley in buffalo and my dad always talks about how i would come to visit and he would try to introduce me to people while i zoomed by, just running back and forth around the main lobby area. i’m sure it was fueled by full free access to the pepsi machine in the restaurant and candy room, but regardless, i was a big ball of energy.

as my goal weight grew nearer this past spring, i started to think about what activities made me happy as a child, in an attempt to tap back into that 4 year-old wild woman. now, if you read my success story, you know a main reason why i chose running, but this is the reasoning why i thought it would click for me. 

i started out running at the gym, but i only chose treadmills that faced the window. the added benefit, was the ability to flip off tourists in those double decker buses to relieve any aggression i had that day, but it was essentially, so i didn’t have to see who was around and making me feel self-conscious. after my run, i would wash my face after and take the hour long train home, as a big sweaty mess. i’m sure my fellow d train riders were less than pleaseD with my general funk.

finally, one day, i decided to force myself to shower at the gym. it was a rough couple weeks while i tried to learn to balance towel placement with exposed skin areas, but i did it. 

i then realized that i had to start to be comfortable with running outdoors. now, as i have mentioned previously, i am a sloooooow runner. people walk faster than i run and i’m not even kidding. i am often lapped by women old enough to be my grandmother. the number i was given in the central park conservancy race was off by about 2,000 runners because they had me down as a 9min/mile, which i do not expect i will ever be able to achieve. i like to think of myself as the 80‘s movie-style serial killer of running. i may be moving very slow, but i’m gonna get ya!

that said, about a month ago, i decided to try to run around central park and while looping past the great meadow, i saw an exercise class and the group of people were kicking and punching while the coach was cheering them on. i immediately thought, “oh god. i could never do that” and then it hit me. those people are kicking ass! why wouldn’t i want to look like that? that thought triggered another, which was, “i’d rather be fit in public, than fat and naked in front of my doctor.”

so now i run in public with a big smile on my face and i shower at the gym without fail. my shame and embarrassment was replaced with pride and self-confidence. is there anything better?