Go Stuff Your Shells

Well, I was looking for a comfort food that was easy to make and would utilize the leftover sauce, so I made these. Mikey couldn’t find any high fiber shells, but if they exist, i suppose they might lower the points plus value even further.

Servings: 12

Preparation Time: 15 min

Cooking Time: 20 min

Level of Difficulty: Easy

Ingredients

2 Tbsp grated Parmesan cheese 

2 Tbsp onion

12 uncooked jumbo pasta shells 

¼ cup Egg Beaters 

¼ cup dried bread crumbs 

1½ cup(s) fat-free ricotta cheese 

1/3 CUP shredded Weight watchers Italian 4 cheese mix 

1½ tsp italian seasoning

Instructions

1. Soften the shells in boiled water until they are al dente (cooked firm but not hard)

2. Meanwhile,  mix, ricotta, breadcrumbs, eggbeaters,  cheeses, onions,  herbs, salt & pepper

3. Strain shells and run cool water over them, so they can easily be handled.

4. Fill shells with cheese stuffing, using a small spoon.

5. Sprinkle shredded cheese and herbs over the top and bake at 350 for 20 minute

6. Warm up homemade or jarred sauce (not included in nutritional information for this meal, since that is a matter of preference).

nutritional information for entire recipe

fat: 14 

carb: 122 

protein: 87

fiber: 4

Trixie's Tricky Pizza

like I like myself: Saucy and not too pointy. Wait. What?

Honestly, I think Pizza is one of my favorite foods and might be my only favorite Not made by a family member. allow me to analyze for a moment.

My favorite foods include:

1. 1.my mom’s pasta sauce and meatballs (culinary clone to my nana’s)
2. 2.my dad’s peanut butter cookies
3. 3.za’artar made by my uncle
4. 4.mikey’s caramel corn
5. 5.My aunt anna’s baklawa
6. 6.my mom and my aunts’ italian cookies

Anyway, I could go on and on...

My main point here is that i am determined to keep pizza in my life on a regular basis, despite the value rising higher in the new points plus system.

As much as i enjoy L&B Spumoni gardens sicilian pizza, i cannot always spare the points. Thankfully, i also really enjoy very thin crispy crust, like the pizza they make at waldy’s and that one is not only much lower in points, but also easier to fake.

This is the lower point plus version (but decent portion size) i came up with to make at home:

Trixie’s Tricky Pizza

ingredients:

2 small flour tortillas

1/2 cup pizza sauce

1/3 cup shredded weight watchers 4 cheese mix

sliced onions (other veggies, if i have them)

oregano

basil

salt & pepper

1. 1. i sprayed the tortillas very lightly with pam. I’m not entirely sure if this was necessary, but when I did it without spraying, the crust wasn’t as bubbly and i like bubbles.
2. 2. i placed them in the toaster oven briefly until they were browned and crispy. you can also use your standard oven, but it would likely take longer.
3. 3. spread sauce, cheese, veggies and spices onto the tortillas.
4. 4. stick the pizzas back in the toaster oven until they get brown and crispy.

servings: 1 - although i suppose you could make it 2, if you share...but i don’t.

nutritional information for entire recipe

fat:  7

carb: 30

protein: 12

fiber: 5

now, i know i didn’t make any huge life shattering discovery, but since tortilla point plus values haven’t change, i wanted to take advantage and start substituting them for other pointier bread products i have chosen to squeeze out of my daily intake.

November Thanks

Last November,  I was really struggling with a lot of things in my life, but most notably, my unfulfilling job.  My Aunt Camille posted on facebook about how she would list everything she was thankful for throughout the month. In an inspired attempt to cheer myself up, I decided to do the same. I would literally sit there with my account open and the mouse clicked inside my status bar for hours every day because I was struggling to come up with things I was thankful for. 

This year, I decided to do the same and I was overflowing with lists of things I was excited and thankful for and had to actually pick and choose which to post. Oh what a difference a change in jobs and perspective could make on my quality of life!

Anyway, since I posted all of them on facebook, but only some on Twitter, I decided to make this into a blog post.  Just re-reading this list makes me happy!

November 1st:  Today, I am thankful that I am currently employed by 2 jobs that I enjoy for companies I believe in, where I am treated and respected like a valued employee.

November 2nd: Today, I am thankful that I can vote! Many people (mostly women) are still unable to vote all over the world.

Plus, I would never forgive myself if that asshat Paladino made it into office and I didn't at least try to stop him.

November 3rd: Well, I was up all night and sick as a frickin dog. I'm guessing it's either an allergic reaction or a flu, but it ain't pretty.

That said, I'm still going to post my thankful thought for the day: That Paladino lost and Buffalo has been spared *some* of the bad reputation he would bring to the area. That friggin racist,... homophobic, sexist douchebag did not help the way the country viewed us.

November 4th: Today, I am thankful for all of our Bitchin' Broads who have gotten healthy and become a great support system for each other!

November 5th: I am thankful for my mom. She's supportive, hysterical and has made amazing contributions to the quality of life of those around her.

November 6th: I am also thankful for my dad. I'm convinced McGuyver was modeled after his badass skills. He also taught me ever...ything I know about exterior illumination.

November 7th: Today, I will give thanks for Mikey, the bestest husband and friend a gal could ask for! He cooks and bakes me healthy things and even cleans and walks Lady Ruby Babushkah, The Bitch of Bensonhurst.

November 8th: Today, I am uber-thankful for my brother Jeff AKA Frappy. He has gone from a little bratty smart ass fart machine to my other BFF...who is a bratty smart ass fart machine. He is no longer little.

November 9th: Today, I am thankful for my health and the (relatively) good health of those I love!

Next up: the Turkey Trot in buffalo and then the Jingle Jog in prospect park!

November 10th: Today's thankful post: I officially put in my notice with Apple, so I can work with Weight Watchers full time!

I feel bad because I liked working for Apple, but I guess they ended up being my rebound relationship after being with an abusive jackhole who took me for granted for 6 years. I've now found my better "fit". Yay!

November 11th: Today, I am thankful for my dad, my Uncle Tony and all the other veterans who have served our country.

November 12th: Today, I am thankful for Lady Ruby Babushkah, The Bitch of Bensonhurst. She is an endless source of love, entertainment and poop.

November 13th: Today, I am thankful that I am able to run.

Most of you know that in 1990, I was flattened by a taxi in Paris and almost lost my right leg. Occasionally, I still have an issue with it, but basically, I am fully recovered!

November 14th: Today, I am thankful for all the amazingly talented people I have met and friends I have made while living in NYC.

Between my fellow NYU graduates and my coworkers at Tekserve and Apple, I am overwhelmed and excited to see all the art you will continue to produce!

Thank you for sharing your talents!

November 15th: Today, I am thankful for all the "old" friends from SRL, Bennett and all my previous jobs (GCC, Siena, Starbucks etc) I have reconnected with through facebook!

A special shout out to my Vegas bitches Suzie, Lisa and Michelle! WOOOOOOO!

November 16th: I'm thankful for the ability to appreciate good music. Although many people were underwhelmed by the Beatles announcement in iTunes yesterday, I am really excited because it will make it easier for less tech savvy people to fill up their computers and iPods with awesome music.

November 17th: I am thankful for caffeine and have no shame about my addiction, since it is really my last vice.

November 18th: Today I am thankful for my BIG laugh, which had taken a bit of a hiatus,
but has been making frequent reappearances lately...and not just
because I have been watching John Hughes films.

Btw, I must recommend Planes, Trains and Automobiles this Thanksgiving season and my cousins Mike and John for introducing me to it!

"What do you think the temperature is?"
"...1..."

November 19th: Today, I am thankful for my cousin Mike G who turns 37 today. He saved me from a life of Barbie dolls and other BS girly toys and played with Star Wars actions figures with me.

He also helped me embrace my geeky side with all the Superfriends cartoons, Weird Al, Michael Jackson, the Monkees and Muppets appreciation and can always be counted on to sing along when a Beatles tune arises! Happy Birthday, G!

November 20th: Today, I am thankful for my awesome family!  Look through my friends list for all the Mercurio's, Dickash's, Gworek's, Secchiaroli's and a Strong and you will see the influences and support that helped make me the person I am today...so now you know where to properly place the blame.  

November 21st: I'm thankful for courage.

My main life-changing events were the result of my courage to change anything from my school, to my city, to my job, to the people I choose to surround myself with every day, despite what was easy or expected of me.

Most recently, I'm thankful for my courage to stand up for myself and Mikey by addressing the Guitard's mom directly. The 5am morning screaming matches seem to have stopped since then!

November 22nd: I'm thankful for J. K. Rowling. Thanks to her, I became a reader for the first time at 30 yrs old & the Harry Potter books have been my favorites by far.

So many amazing things have sprung from them: kids
excitement to actually read (who heard of midnight release parties for
books?), a supportive and talented... fandom, and various charities
including The Harry Potter Alliance!

November 23rd: Today I am thankful for my OLDER cousin John G.

Although his brother Mike G and I were a bit of a bother to him for many of his early years, it's pretty awesome to see what great friends we have become as adults.

I will always be grateful for his coming to my defense when I needed him. I am also in awe of what an amazing dad he has become and of his endless random sports knowledge.

November 24th: In 2006, Mikey and I put on one of the best parties Buffalo has ever seen!

One highlight: our "stand up and quote one of the movies we listed on the tables" to get us to smooch.

Nothing tops my Uncle Paul singing "Sweet Mystery of Life" as Madeline Kahn in Young Frankenstein or a group of 10 friends all yelling, "I duct taped his ass cheeks together!" from Breakfast Club!

November 25th: Thanksgiving day: I'm thankful for change and growth. 

Together with Mikey, we have redefined thanksgiving and our anniversary from being all about food and indulgence and made it about spending time with family and being healthy!

November 26th: Today I am thankful that I do not work retail.

Please be respectful of the retail employees, as they don't want to be there for 12 or more hours, are usually taken for granted by their employers and even more commonly abused by customers looking for $10 off some random piece of junk they don't need.

November 27th:  Today, I am thankful for board and card games. Although I admit they can also be a lot of fun, video games are just not the same. They do not give the same fun and interaction that a board game can provide.

We're getting together with the Fam later for game night and I'm excited!

November 28th: Today, i am thankful for hope. I think this is my draw to the holiday season and all of the Christmas specials.

Today, we Watched It's a Wonderful Life and Muppet Christmas Carol while decorating the inside of the house. Now onto Emmet Otter's Jugband Christmas!

Zuzu's petals!

November 29th:  Today, I am thankful for flexibility.

As the new WW program rolls out, I'm thinking about the reasons why their programs have been so successful and it all comes down to the flexibility to fit it into my life. I can still eat pizza and ice cream when I have the points and make the choice, unlike most other pro...grams that are not sustainable for life.

I have to remember this, so I can teach myself to adjust and be flexible with ALL of the unexpected changes in life.

November 30th: I'm thankful for New York freakin City!

I love being in Buffalo, but NYC during the holidays cannot be matched! While I was home this weekend, my dad booked his annual NYC Xmas trip and I'm so excited to do all the touristy stuff with him in a few weeks!"

Eat to Live

Tis the season...for eating.

In previous years, I had recognized the change of seasons once I started seeing Mallomars and Jingles cookies on the shelves at Waldbaum's.

Now I'm posting on twitter to ask if I can get pumpkin and spaghetti squash year round. What a difference a year makes!

That's not to say that I won't be budgeting points to squeeze in a couple jingles with my sugar cookie sleigh ride tea (now with real sugar cookie flavor) before bed, but I have recognized my issues and adjusted my intake accordingly.

I have also accepted that I need to keep moving my body during the holiday season. As I posted before, this is one of the many benefits to training and running the Disney half-marathon right after the holidays.

My long runs last a couple hours and I usually earn between 10 and 15 AP's. That's about 3 or 4 Mallomars, NOT A BOX. Running not only keeps me burning off all the marshmallowy goodness, but calculating the APs forces me to recognize how much work is takes to negate my cookie intake. My sore muscles serve as a reminder to keep me in check.

Now, most of us are even busier during the holidays, so fitting in the extra time to get some activity in can be tricky as hell.

Although I am at goal and am currently the healthiest I have ever been as an adult, both physically and emotionally, many things are still a struggle and contrary to popular belief, activity is my main one. I would rather spend all day cuddling with Ruby and Mikey and watching bad sitcoms, than almost anything else.

A couple things I keep in mind about food and activity, particularly over the holidays:

1. Food does not have to be the main event to family gatherings. I am lucky enough to have a bunch of hysterical people in my family and I have a blast whenever we're together. Conversation is far better when I can actually concentrate on it and am not stuffing various junk into my yapper to the point where I'm almost choking, have to unbutton my pants and then obsess over my guilty feelings. Who knew?

2 This is all a choice. MY choice to eat more foods with nutritional value and less crap. I want to feel better. I want to look better and I want to serve as a good healthy example for others, so I can help them to improve the quality of their life. 

3. Running into someone I haven't seen since I gained 40 lbs (or more) is far more difficult, exhausting, stressful and time consuming than budgeting a couple hours a week to work out. I do not want to experience those feelings ever again.

This year, Mikey and I decided to sign up for the 8K Turkey Trot in Buffalo, to start the day off right! I'm so excited, even though I will have to dvr the Macy's thanksgiving day parade to watch after a nice hot shower.

So this year, I'm extra pumped for the holidays. I'm not scared of any uncontrolled food intake or seeing someone and being self-conscious about my size. 

I'm prepared because I know what to expect, have done some Weight Watchers inspired mental rehearsing and re-framing and I am ready! Bring it on!

Tunnel to Towers

On September 11th, 2001, I was walking from my apartment on Cliff Street and heading to the train to get to class at NYU. Once I left my building, I saw people crowding the streets.

Someone was screaming from a balcony about a plane hitting the World Trade Center and he was so hysterical (and because I was already a jaded new yorker), I dismissed him and kept walking. When I was about a block and a half away from the WTC, I could see what was happening, but I was still in denial. They even started evacuating the towers and people were running past me and screaming, but I still did not believe it. I guess it’s probably good because if I accepted and acknowledged the reality of the situation, my raging anxiety disorder would have kicked in, making things much much worse.

I hopped the train, thinking there was just some big fire and although it sucks, I couldn’t be late for class for that.

I cannot believe how very wrong I was. 

That morning, while I was busy being blatantly wrong and clueless, Steven SIller ran from Red Hook to WTC, where he was killed. According to the Tunnel to Towers website: 

“Stephen Siller, beloved husband and father of five, was a firefighter from Squad 1, Park Slope Brooklyn. On 9/11, he was off-duty, and on his way to golf with his 3 older brothers.

When Stephen heard on his scanner that the World Trade Center had been hit, he turned his vehicle around and headed towards the site. When his truck was prohibited from entering the Brooklyn Battery Tunnel, typically of him, he raced on foot towards the site with his gear strapped to his back.

He was last seen alive on West and Liberty Streets where he, more than likely, went looking for his Squad, all of whom perished.”

His family organized an event in his honor, where you can retrace his steps through the Battery Tunnel and to Ground Zero. Every year, I would watch the coverage on the news and cry. I was again, too lazy to participate and help the cause.

This year, I swore that I would not sit on the television sidelines. I was going to participate and run for all those lost and the often forgotten survivors. 

I signed up a few weeks ago, and although i felt confident that I could physically do the run, but I knew it would be an emotional struggle. Thankfully, I recognized the selfishness of my feelings and moved on.

The weather outside was perfect, and even though the air in the tunnel was STIFLING, I think the toughest part was coming out to see the seemingly neverending line of banners, showing each of the FDNY and emergency workers who had been killed.

I definitely lost it here for a bit. I had to walk for a minute. It really just breaks my heart. These were sons, daughters, dad, moms, brothers, sisters etc...you get the point. They were just doing their job and they made the ultimate sacrifice as part of it. They woke up that day, not knowing that they would be heroes and life for everyone else would be changed forever.

Rest in Peace

The other day, I submitted a couple pix to jacksh*t’s blog for my W.i.d.t.h.  i love this idea so much, So while discussing Halloween decorations with his nemesis and my friend suzistorm, I came up with a really exciting idea and I want to share it.

Throughout this journey to get myself healthy, I have had to do an equal amount of exercise for my body and for my brain. In the process, I have had to "lay to rest" many of my bad habits, physically and emotionally.

As part of my Halloween decorating, I'm going to make tombstones of all the habits or excuses I have had to eliminate from my life.

I would like you to do the same! These are the behaviors and influences that have kept us from achieving our goals. this doesn’t have to be about weight. it can be about work, school, relationships - whatever you need to eliminate from your life to be the person you deserve to be. 

This is going to be an ongoing theme throughout october, where i will occasionally upload a pic and give further explanation.

email me your picture: 

TrixieWeighsIn@gmail.com

I'll post it in my tombstone gallery here.

*Make sure you tell me if you'd like your name and a link attached*

Also, if you don't feel comfortable, let me know and I'll make one for you.

I'm really excited to see what we come up with!

Lose for Good

If you’re not familiar with the Weight Watchers Lose for Good Campaign, it certainly isn’t my fault! I have been trying to spread the word as much as I can because I think this is an amazing program.

For every pound lost until October 23rd, Weight Watchers donates money to charities to feed the hungry.

Because I had hit my goal, I didn’t have pounds to donate, so I found that I could buy a t-shirt and a sweatshirt. In addition to that, you can donate food and other goods for shelters in your area.

I decided to match my 100lb weight loss! Mikey had to help me get everything to my meeting and we both struggled, even with our laundry cart. I cannot believe I carried all that on my butt! No wonder I was always tired and cranky!

Dash for Dad

In june of 2004, my Unca Dave passed away from prostate cancer. 

A month earlier, my dad had been officially diagnosed with the same disease, but had chosen a very aggressive treatment, based on his younger brother’s current state. Since then, my dad’s other 2 brothers have been diagnosed, had surgery and are now cancer free. This disease is seriously out to get the men in my family.

Unfortunately, there are many underserved areas, where men are not even able to be tested for this disease. Zero Cancer provides grants, free testing and education, so hopefully, we can stop this disease before it hits my cousin or my brother!

This year, on the 6th anniversary of losing my Unca Dave (we called him that because he had some video of my brother at 3yrs old calling him that and it stuck), I was thinking about how much I missed him and the impact he had on the dynamic of our family. He was the crazy one and in my family, that means something. We always had a blast when he came to town! He had long hair, played the drums, loved building models and riding bicycles. Every year, he would lead my whole family for an entire day and ride from North Buffalo to Niagara Falls.

Recently, I was thinking about how much I regret missing out on those bike rides. I did that by choice because I was lazy. Pure and simple. They would ride together, had fun and I’m sure they did a lot of laughing and I was too busy...watching tv, I guess? Ugh.

On a more serious note, my Unca Dave also took me in for a week, after 9/11 when I lost access to my apartment because I lived just 4 blocks away. This was when we really clicked. He took me shopping for clothes because I only had what I was wearing that day when I left for class at NYU and he made me feel safe in his family’s home. 

Anyway, this year, I decided to organize a family team for The Dash for Dad 5k to benefit prostate cancer research and I’m so proud of myself for not being that same lazy broad, but I’m particularly proud of my amazing family for participating!

My mom’s family even joined in and I was able to cross the finish line with my Aunt Toni’s husband Ed, who is also a survivor! 

This didn’t make me miss my Unca Dave any less, but it made me thankful that our contributions can help others, so they don’t have to lose their Unca Daves.

@--}--  (he used to sign his emails with this rose)

"I've Been Shot!"

i am not a reader by nature. the only books i read by choice involved harry potter, which i think explains my connection with them, but i digress.

i have tried a few different ways to motivate myself to read. i bought myself an ipad as a goal reward and could really only keep my focus on autobiographies. for the record, i highly recommend Ozzy osbourne and carrie fisher’s books. 

to clarify: they each wrote their own book. they did not write them together, although i’m sure that would be a fascinating tale of invented curse words and drug-induced ramblings.

anyway, onto my real point. i bought this amazing little $5 book at my weight watchers meeting titled “a shot in the arm” last week, after my leader maggie recommended it and explained it’s origin. it seems that the writer, sharon was a weight watchers regional manager and would send out these motivational emails to her employees. this was a few years ago, before the big blog boom, if you will.

reading through this book, sharon shared personal stories, insecurities and humor, in a very non-intimidating or condescending way. i love this little book! i am obsessed with it and actually thought about basing my blog as a response or review of her emails, but decided that i will occasionally address the points as they come up.

sadly, sharon passed away 2 years ago. i am very thankful that i am able to appreciate her words and be enlightened by her spirit.

seriously, pick up this book.

Two-Faced Nutlover

one of the many realizations that anyone trying to take control over their food intake will learn is that although it may seem that over-eating is about the food, in reality, we’re really fighting ourselves.

i have no problem turning down something as blatantly pointy (high point value, in weight watchers terms) like disco fries or a chocolate croissant. i start having issues if i can find any basis of nutritional value in the food because then, i can justify eating it.

one constant struggle i have had throughout my WLJ (weight loss journey) was trying to keep my “nut fixation” in check. yes, i’m aware that sounds like a gay porn, but i’m actually talking about edible roasted and salted ones, usually pimped out by a classy guy in a top hat and monacle. ok- i’m not helping with the dirty references, but i had to get that out.

the reality of this trigger is that i can polish off a full jar and would only finish because my jaw was getting tired. hmm...ok...i’m now at a loss as to how to get this post back on the proper track...

aaanyway, back to my point: i would pick up a bag, jar or can of mixed nuts at least once a week for years. my great aunt helen used to make pistachio pudding for me on holidays and my neighbor growing up would make our family pistachio cake whenever my dad would macguyver something at their house. These were always my favorite treats.

then, in september 2002, i left work and picked up a bag of pistachios on my way home for a snack. i was sitting at my parents’ house and sharing them with our dog scooter while watching some bad daytime tv. all of a sudden, i started getting itchy all over my legs and arms. my mom (an rn) recognized that i was developing hives, but i was in denial..until i started throwing up! thankfully, my mom forced me to take some benedryl immediately because i was refusing to go to the hospital, since i didn’t have health insurance at the time.

i started getting dizzy a few minutes later and could no longer deny that this was bad. really bad. i went upstairs to get dressed and passed out, woke myself up and passed out again. i made it to the top of the stairs and said, “uh...mom. call 911” and passed out again. she came up the stairs and found me. at this point, i was partially conscious and could hear her on the phone giving our address. it then hit me that if EMT’s try to walk into our house and take me out, the dogs would not be happy. i somehow (although i have no recollection how) got myself up and made my way out to the porch to wait for the ambulance.

while sitting on my dad’s rocking chair on the porch, my mom was talking to me and saying, “stay with me!” but my throat was closing and everything was going white, so all i could see was the blackness of the inside of her mouth and her teeth talking to me. i kept trying to tell her to get me one of these big thick plastic straws that my brother had brought home from work because i thought it would keep my throat open, but i couldn’t communicate it clearly and she was confused.

then, just as i was starting to completely black out, the benedryl kicked in! my throat opened up and i regained full consciousness, just as the ambulance showed up.

i ended up in the hospital and hooked up to an IV of some serious allergy meds and mikey and kellie came by to carry me home a few hours later. 

so after all that, i have no real explanation for why, after being warned by my allergist to avoid any and all nuts, i still eat them! i haven’t had any pistachios since that day, but i drink almond milk and enjoy peanut butter on a regular basis. seriously. what the hell is wrong with me? 

My latest battle: limiting my peanut butter intake to a “reasonable” level. Thankfully, mikey helps and made my dad’s peanut butter cookies recipe this week and he made itty bitty ones, so i can still enjoy them without going over board, but i still need to recognize this issue!

internal discourse:

“you are tempting fate with your allergies!”

“i have my epi-pen”

“there’s so much fat!”

“but there’s also protein! i’m active and i need protein!”

please tell me i’m not alone with my two-faced brain!

"I'd Rather Be Fit in Public"

having struggled with my weight since i hit puberty, i clearly missed out on many usual milestones through my teenage years. i’m not saying that overweight people don’t have proper social skills or they are not allowed to play sports. what i’m saying is that i allowed my weight to dictate what i did and even more disappointing, what i didn’t do.

through high school, i wore huge clothes to hide my body and avoided gym class whenever possible because the anxiety of undressing in front of my classmates was paralyzing.

my junior year, i was hit by a car (that is a huge story that i will save for it’s own post) and i was actually relieved that i didn’t have to take gym. seriously. i was hit by a friggin car and i was happy because i didn’t have to undress in front of other people. that was my primary concern. not that i had to have 2 surgeries and wear a cast for almost 4 months and then relearn how to walk. i didn’t want my classmates to see my bare thighs.

when i think about the person i was back then, it makes me very sad. i wish i realized how ridiculous that was, but i guess those issues make me appreciate how far i’ve come...blah blah blah. it still annoys me.

before puberty, i was a very active child. my mom was constantly yapping at me to sit back in my chair and relax while i eat dinner because i would literally run in, sit at the edge of my kitchen chair, woof some food down and run back out to play. by run, i mean literally run. i ran everywhere. they always joked that i was running before i was walking. my family managed a bowling alley in buffalo and my dad always talks about how i would come to visit and he would try to introduce me to people while i zoomed by, just running back and forth around the main lobby area. i’m sure it was fueled by full free access to the pepsi machine in the restaurant and candy room, but regardless, i was a big ball of energy.

as my goal weight grew nearer this past spring, i started to think about what activities made me happy as a child, in an attempt to tap back into that 4 year-old wild woman. now, if you read my success story, you know a main reason why i chose running, but this is the reasoning why i thought it would click for me. 

i started out running at the gym, but i only chose treadmills that faced the window. the added benefit, was the ability to flip off tourists in those double decker buses to relieve any aggression i had that day, but it was essentially, so i didn’t have to see who was around and making me feel self-conscious. after my run, i would wash my face after and take the hour long train home, as a big sweaty mess. i’m sure my fellow d train riders were less than pleaseD with my general funk.

finally, one day, i decided to force myself to shower at the gym. it was a rough couple weeks while i tried to learn to balance towel placement with exposed skin areas, but i did it. 

i then realized that i had to start to be comfortable with running outdoors. now, as i have mentioned previously, i am a sloooooow runner. people walk faster than i run and i’m not even kidding. i am often lapped by women old enough to be my grandmother. the number i was given in the central park conservancy race was off by about 2,000 runners because they had me down as a 9min/mile, which i do not expect i will ever be able to achieve. i like to think of myself as the 80‘s movie-style serial killer of running. i may be moving very slow, but i’m gonna get ya!

that said, about a month ago, i decided to try to run around central park and while looping past the great meadow, i saw an exercise class and the group of people were kicking and punching while the coach was cheering them on. i immediately thought, “oh god. i could never do that” and then it hit me. those people are kicking ass! why wouldn’t i want to look like that? that thought triggered another, which was, “i’d rather be fit in public, than fat and naked in front of my doctor.”

so now i run in public with a big smile on my face and i shower at the gym without fail. my shame and embarrassment was replaced with pride and self-confidence. is there anything better?